Oh no, I feel like a rant and rave coming on again. I really am using this space like a journal.
But.... I must unravel the layers to the harsh bitter truth of being the reason everything goes wrong. I don't want to poor pity me. I just want to be realistic in the way that my health has effected all the people I love. I have spoke of how my children lose so much due to my illness and the things i miss out on but my sole carer, my husband takes the brunt of it all.
Even while i sit here and pour my heart out, he has been to the shops to grab something to cook for tea, taken off his jacket and gone straight into the kitchen to cook a meal for his family. All whilst dealing with four kids ranging from 2 to 15 all fighting and screaming. Still, I sit here. Oh and he has just brought me a cuppa.
This is probably a usual night for us but today is extremely stressful for him since he was threatened with discipline reaction for skipping work to look after me which therefore effects his work output. What is a man, provider, carer suppose to do when he has so much on his plate. Where is the empathy for someone who is trying to do it all as if he was a single parent family.
Its sad to see the changes that this illness has made to my husband. He was a lover of life and everything in it. Loved to be humorous and never took life too serious. Lately i have seen him close to tears and i know he is forcing the tears away as to not put more stress on me. I feel his pain deep to my core.
I can't imagine the pressure he is under knowing he has to work to provide for his family and knowing that parenting is so exhausting to me and detrimental to my health when too much energy is exerted.
On top of that he tries to get me out of the house when he can because he is aware Riley and I are isolated a lot of the time.
He may help me in the shower or to pick out my clothes for the day but he also has to be the one who bares all the emotional stuff to. He is the shoulder i cry on when i can't fathom a life time of just sitting and never being able to do the things we dreamed of when we were childhood sweethearts. He has to listen to my angry outbursts and in all of that try and find time for his own leisure. Which is non existent.
So to the workplace that feels his work output is not good enough, i would like to see you all do what my husband does and then say its not good enough. That is his best while also giving us his best and he pretty much deserves some kind of trophy for he is pretty much best at more than they could ever even contemplate.