I just want a whinge if i can.
I have been against people the whole time i have had Orthostatic Tremor; when it comes to the topic of exercise. I've lost friends who think i am basically lazy and wont make any effort to help myself. This is BS. I am so tired of pushing my body through the "simple" things like getting dressed, showered and doing housework all while feeling like i am made of lead and dragging someone on my back. My knees want to collapse but i wont let them, i have to keep on keeping on. My body hurts just to sit up. Fatigue is just killing me.
To keep the "you got to use it or lose it" choir happy, I tried the exercise on top of the already gruelling exercise i was already doing just getting dressed. Physiotherapists came to my home and exercised my core doing floor work and pool work. My core muscles then started to tremor badly and made me weaker. I walked and walked my heart out, lost some weight but my body was getting fatigued and i wasn't able to walk as far until eventually i could only walk on a good day.
I went on medications so i could manage again. and i was able to walk again. Even hike for 3 hour return trips. You would think that exercise would only benefit my muscles but no, only made me weaker. So when my tablets started to wear off my tremor was worse, was my exercise to my muscles of detriment?
I tried and i couldn't be stopped trying, even today i tried to walk and came back dizzy and shaky and my legs would just be all over the place, Risk of falling is not my idea of helping myself.
I may sound bitter right now, but i am mad at the people who always say to me "just do nice gentle exercise to keep active and it will eventually get easier and you can do more and more". Well sorry, tried it and i am still stuffed up and exercise is killing me. I hate this.
I know exercise has helped some people who have OT, what tha! Why can't that be me?
I am not lazy, i love to move damn it.
Whoever believes that I am not helping myself, blow them. They don't know what its like to be in this body and i can only do what my body allows me to do on any given day. I know my body is working hard to allow me to do the things i do, my muscles work hard enough as it is, do i need to burden them further?
It is my belief that i need to conserve energy because i already feel like i have run a marathon before the race has begun. I get dressed and feel tired. I need to save energy for my family and my home.